Therapy- with a side of Irony.

So, someone really important to me has been going through quite a bit this past year. I won't go into too many details until this person gives me their blessing to "out them." But I talk to her often and find myself entrenched in the Therapist Role. Giving out some pretty good advice, if I do say so myself. Granted, I'm not sure if she is just smiling and nodding on the other end of the phone willing me to shut-up, but when I reflect back on my counsel all I can think is, "Why the hell am I not doing this stuff?"

Lately I've been finding myself in need of counsel. I'm not sure who to go to, though. Family will always side with you and give you the old "You're doing the best you can." Or "Chin up! It's not that bad." or "Shut up ya big sissy. You're being a moron." Friends can be good listeners, but I'm not sure if they would feel comfortable delving that deep into my life. I might scare them away. I know we all have our personal demons, but why can't they be sweet little demons instead of these monsters that make us crazy?

So they say to get rid of these demons, you should face them, right? What better way to face them than to put them on my blog for all the world five people to see, right? Right?
Here are a few of my confessions. At least the ones I'm ready to face for now.

1. I have been eating chocolate. A. Lot. Of. Chocolate. Not only that, I've been eating chips. A. Lot. Of. Chips. Instead of going to the fridge to grab a carrot when I need something crunchy, I grab a bag of chips. And eat them. ALL of them. (Okay, I might leave 5 in the bag so I don't feel like a complete loser. See, I only ate most of the chips, so I'm only most of a loser.) What's wrong with that? Well, when I'm constantly spouting the benefits of eating a healthful diet and staying away from things like, say, chocolate and chips, I tend to feel like a bit of a fraud.

2. I suck at keeping house. I'm not sure if you heard that. I SUCK at keeping house. Not only am I disorganized, but I'm worse than the kids about putting my stuff away. Yeah, I'll yell at them for not putting their scissors away, but I'll leave every single thing I've taken out right in the middle of the floor. For days. I get so frustrate about how completely out of control this house is. I'll complain to anyone within earshot about how impossible it is to keep up with my house, what with homeschooling and a husband working from home. And yet, who's to blame? You guessed it. Not my type A anal retentive husband (as much as I'd like to blame him). Yep. Me. Little ol' me. Well, not so little since I've been eating all the chocolate and chips in the northern heminsphere.

3. I am sleep deprived and cranky. It's not because my little sweet baby is waking me to eat or for a diaper change. My kids are 3 and 5. They usually sleep through the night. It's because I choose to go to bed at 2 in the morning. It might be 1 on a good night. And it's not because I'm exercising to get rid of the chocolate/chips pooch. Or to straighten up the house. It's because of my next demon.

4. The television. Oh, the television. I love me some television. And I have every excuse as to WHY I NEED TO WATCH TELEVISION. (Imagine the next few sentences in a whiny annoying voice) "I'm tiiiiirrreeed." "I've been with the kids allll daaaaayyy." "I neeeeeed a brrreeeeaaaakkk!" Oh, and I love the shows. I mean seriously? Who can get through life without knowing who Marin, Meredith, Rory, Betty, Veronica, or Paula will be sleeping with/breaking up with/getting back together with next? Oh? You don't know who any of those people are? You poor poor thing. Come on over an hang out with me. We'll push the papers aside, find a seat somewhere, open a bag of Natural Doritoes (yes, people they are Natural- does it get any better than that?) and melt our brains while watching a whole lotta TV.

I'll stop there. I'm not sure if you can handle much more than that. So, where's my therapist? Who is going to counsel me? How do I find my way to a better/happier/healthier/less brain-dead me?

I guess my first step would be to try actually listening to me once in a while. I'm finding more and more that I have faults. More than I'd like to admit to. But really, who is fault-free in life? I think the lesson I'm learning is it's important to take the time to really look at yourself, embrace your faults (they are a part of you, after all), and strive continuously to find ways to turn those faults around.

I found this several years ago, and I've had it up on my wall in my office for months. I'm not sure who wrote it, but I think it's time I take a closer look at it and take it to heart.

10 Ways To Be a Better Person
Becoming Who You Want To Be

1. Exercise patience in everything you do and understand that change will take time, devotion, and hard work. Accomplishing one simple goal right now will make it easier to accomplish larger more difficult ones later on.

2. Judging others is easy while judging oneself can be extremely difficult. Look at yourself honestly and ask: What would I like to change about myself? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What do I have to give?

3. There is no growth in resentment. Emotions are often directly related to your perception of the world around you. Viewing things in a positive light can make your world into a better place, and foster confidence and self-respect.

4. As you meet the needs of your body, nourish your soul as well. Each of us requires relaxation, love, and acceptance. Spend at least five unrushed minutes each day in meditation or another relaxing activity.

5. Listen to your heart's counsel. The logical, profitable, or fastest course may be in opposition with what you truly believe would be most rewarding. Following your heart can lead to great wisdom.

6. Accept that you have no control over the actions of others and discover the freedom of forgiveness. Letting go of old emotional wounds carries benefits to both body and soul.

7. Understand that failure, while painful, can be beneficial. Learn from your mistakes. Give the people in your life the chance to experience and learn from their own.

8. Never stop learning. True wisdom comes from knowledge and knowledge will only increase if you keep your mind open to new ideas and suggestions.

9. That which is in your power to do is also within your pwer not to do. Self-discipline is the foundation for all virtures. Avoiding toxic substances and keeping your body and mind healthy will help you break bad habits and adopt positive ones in their place.

10. The means to growth and change are within you and cannot be delegated to another. Live your life as you wish it to be, cultivate self reliance, take responsibility, and love yourself.

I hope today, you find peace.