Connection

I've had a bit of an awakening this evening.
Connection.
The connections we make in life need to be nurtured, not put on hold and thought of later when we have more time. Because really? When do we have more time? What if there isn't more time?
My aunt, my only aunt, is dying. I was called tonight told that it would most likely be a matter of days. She is only in her 50s.

I was never good at keeping in touch with my Aunt. When we did talk, I loved it. When we were able to visit- it was wonderful. But for some reason, I always put writing or calling her on hold. I had more time, right? I would do it later. But later has arrived, and I have run out of time. I wrote a letter to her tonight. I asked my father to read it to her tomorrow, if it isn't too late.

My Aunt Patti,

I'm sitting here trying to come up with the words to write to tell you how much you mean to me. I am having trouble because I know I have not been the best at corresponding through the years. A few emails here, a note there, always a Christmas greeting- but I feel it was not enough. I am wracked with remorse and shame over my failure to let you know, the many times I should have, just how magnificent a person and how brilliant an Aunt I feel you are.

Now you are entering a new stage of life, and I am sad. I am so sad that I am not there to hold your hand one more time, to talk to you one more time, to listen to your great travel stories one more time. I know that you are embarking on life's greatest journey, but I am just wishing for a little more time. I am wishing for a little more time so you can at least hear my words read to you and know I love you. I truly do love you Aunt Patti. You are always in my heart.

Always,
Jeannie

Connection.

It's important to make those connections a priority. Nurture them. Don't wait until you have more time. That time may not come.

Update:
Aunt Patti passed this morning, 7/1/07, at 8:10 am. She didn't get my letter.

Okay.

Yep, everything is okay. After dealing with a fever fluctuating between 101 and 103 yesterday, my little man was brought to the walk-in by his wonderful Daddy. Guess what they found? Nothing. Nada. No ear infection, no strep, everything "checked out" as they said. Well, that's good. So, he continued to rest, then woke today with a 99 temp and a new outlook on life. He has been playing in his room this morning- superheroes and blocks- and I hear random howls of high pitched "wooooooaaaaahhhhhh"s and "aaaaaahhhhhh"s floating down the stairs. Because, you know, superheroes like to say "woah" and "ahh" a lot. A lot.

So as he is healing nicely, and my frazzled mind is slowly returning to normal (normal?), I am sitting outside, watching my beautiful daugther flutter through the yard with a magnifying glass calling, "butterfly, come back!" She decided to search for bugs today. The expedition began with an observation of red ants, "Mommy, I can see the three body parts!", and just a few minutes ago, a yell of, "I found one! Look what I found!" Her sheer joy of finding a tiny caterpillar on a vine growing in the middle of our yard was contagious. I couldn't help but smile. The funny thing about finding a caterpillar in our yard- well, it's really not that hard. We have a butterfly garden growing (quite profusely) and a butterfly cage to observe the lifecycle of the few types of caterpillars we are able to "capture". But she found this caterpillar on her own. Her own discovery.





So, here it is. A new day. And you know what? We're okay.

Ugh.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Why is it that having sick kids always sends me into a tizzy?
Not just a "oh my poor kids are sick, I feel so bad for them" type of tizzy, but a full blown "holy crap they're sick!! what do I do? Oh no! Oh no!" running in circles type of tizzy.

My poor boy has had some weird illness going on for one and a half weeks. He was ill last weekend (so much for Father's Day), seemed to be better by Wednesday, then the fever started back up again last night!

I seriously think children should come with a user manual at the hospital. You know, to tell you exactly how to take care of your child when a strange illness takes hold of them. You look up the symptom: fever, and it tells you exactly how long it will last, what to expect during the illness and how to MAKE IT GO AWAY!

I think it's the unknown that bothers me the most. Not knowing exactly what is or how to fix it. So instead, I become overzealous in my attempts at "making the child more comfortable." That would mean visiting his room 50+ times a day, "How are you doing? Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? Make sure you drink your water. Drink your water. While I'm standing here, drink your water. A few more sips. Drink your water. DRINK your WATER!"

So, here's my question to anyone who might be reading this...
How do you calm yourself and remain "zen" when your children are sick?