Connection

I've had a bit of an awakening this evening.
Connection.
The connections we make in life need to be nurtured, not put on hold and thought of later when we have more time. Because really? When do we have more time? What if there isn't more time?
My aunt, my only aunt, is dying. I was called tonight told that it would most likely be a matter of days. She is only in her 50s.

I was never good at keeping in touch with my Aunt. When we did talk, I loved it. When we were able to visit- it was wonderful. But for some reason, I always put writing or calling her on hold. I had more time, right? I would do it later. But later has arrived, and I have run out of time. I wrote a letter to her tonight. I asked my father to read it to her tomorrow, if it isn't too late.

My Aunt Patti,

I'm sitting here trying to come up with the words to write to tell you how much you mean to me. I am having trouble because I know I have not been the best at corresponding through the years. A few emails here, a note there, always a Christmas greeting- but I feel it was not enough. I am wracked with remorse and shame over my failure to let you know, the many times I should have, just how magnificent a person and how brilliant an Aunt I feel you are.

Now you are entering a new stage of life, and I am sad. I am so sad that I am not there to hold your hand one more time, to talk to you one more time, to listen to your great travel stories one more time. I know that you are embarking on life's greatest journey, but I am just wishing for a little more time. I am wishing for a little more time so you can at least hear my words read to you and know I love you. I truly do love you Aunt Patti. You are always in my heart.

Always,
Jeannie

Connection.

It's important to make those connections a priority. Nurture them. Don't wait until you have more time. That time may not come.

Update:
Aunt Patti passed this morning, 7/1/07, at 8:10 am. She didn't get my letter.

Okay.

Yep, everything is okay. After dealing with a fever fluctuating between 101 and 103 yesterday, my little man was brought to the walk-in by his wonderful Daddy. Guess what they found? Nothing. Nada. No ear infection, no strep, everything "checked out" as they said. Well, that's good. So, he continued to rest, then woke today with a 99 temp and a new outlook on life. He has been playing in his room this morning- superheroes and blocks- and I hear random howls of high pitched "wooooooaaaaahhhhhh"s and "aaaaaahhhhhh"s floating down the stairs. Because, you know, superheroes like to say "woah" and "ahh" a lot. A lot.

So as he is healing nicely, and my frazzled mind is slowly returning to normal (normal?), I am sitting outside, watching my beautiful daugther flutter through the yard with a magnifying glass calling, "butterfly, come back!" She decided to search for bugs today. The expedition began with an observation of red ants, "Mommy, I can see the three body parts!", and just a few minutes ago, a yell of, "I found one! Look what I found!" Her sheer joy of finding a tiny caterpillar on a vine growing in the middle of our yard was contagious. I couldn't help but smile. The funny thing about finding a caterpillar in our yard- well, it's really not that hard. We have a butterfly garden growing (quite profusely) and a butterfly cage to observe the lifecycle of the few types of caterpillars we are able to "capture". But she found this caterpillar on her own. Her own discovery.





So, here it is. A new day. And you know what? We're okay.

Ugh.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Why is it that having sick kids always sends me into a tizzy?
Not just a "oh my poor kids are sick, I feel so bad for them" type of tizzy, but a full blown "holy crap they're sick!! what do I do? Oh no! Oh no!" running in circles type of tizzy.

My poor boy has had some weird illness going on for one and a half weeks. He was ill last weekend (so much for Father's Day), seemed to be better by Wednesday, then the fever started back up again last night!

I seriously think children should come with a user manual at the hospital. You know, to tell you exactly how to take care of your child when a strange illness takes hold of them. You look up the symptom: fever, and it tells you exactly how long it will last, what to expect during the illness and how to MAKE IT GO AWAY!

I think it's the unknown that bothers me the most. Not knowing exactly what is or how to fix it. So instead, I become overzealous in my attempts at "making the child more comfortable." That would mean visiting his room 50+ times a day, "How are you doing? Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? Make sure you drink your water. Drink your water. While I'm standing here, drink your water. A few more sips. Drink your water. DRINK your WATER!"

So, here's my question to anyone who might be reading this...
How do you calm yourself and remain "zen" when your children are sick?

Love is...

Orange Peel Smiles!

Happy Love Thursday... May all your days be full of orangey smiles!

Dolfins, Whalse, and Shrcse

We're starting a theme on the Ocean this week. This morning, I asked Emma to write out on the board exactly what she would like to learn about the Ocean. This was her list:

Dolfins
walse
shrcse
see creechrs (<-- this was Charlie's idea)
seegls
fish
see trtls
craBs
manutees
octupoos
see Horse
sTing ray
jeleefish

Every time I have been in the classroom today, I've taken a moment to re-read this list. I am blown away by my daughter. Here is this magnificent, brilliant, beautiful five year old child sounding out words. Making lists. Taking charge of her education. She has decided where she would like this theme to go. Will she always be like this? Will she have this determination with the decisions about her life?

Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm not enough for her. I'm afraid she gets "pushed aside" because of her brother. And now there will be another child here pushing her aside. She is such a radiant child. She sparkles. She laughs so easily and cries out about the injustices she sees around her. She already knows that when she grows up she wants to save the animals. She happily claims that when she rides her bike to art class, "I'm saving the world!" She is shy and tender. She is silly and goofy. She is a loving, devoted child of God.

I worry about her future. The injustices she faces today are nothing compared to what she will face as she grows and matures and begins to understand true injustices in our world. How will I shield her? How will I protect her? How will I teach her to cope, when many times I feel like I can't cope? She has such a tender heart and I want nothing in this world to change that. I want her to always witness the good in people.

I see how she deals with being "pushed aside" by her brother. She joins him. She makes his ideas a part of her ideas. She incorporates herself into his life as well as incorporating him into her life. I see already how she will deal with being "pushed aside" by the new child by how she takes care of her baby doll. She holds her, swaddles her, feeds her, and makes every day for this baby doll a celebration. "Today is her birthday!" "She just started talking!"

Deep in my heart, under all the fear and apprehension, I know Emma will make it. She will be successful in her life. She has so much to give, so much she is willing to give, the doors in life will open for her.

Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm not enough for her.
But I know, I know, SHE will always be enough for her.

Take Care of your Mother

Earth that is. (But you should take care of your Mommy, as well...)

My family has slowly been making strides toward living a more "green" life. A few things we are doing:
*Recycling as much as we can
*No more paper towels or paper napkins, now we use white bar towels and cloth napkins
*Started a compost pile
*Eating as organically as possible
*Replaced the majority of our lightbulbs with the Compact Fluorescent bulbs, and will continue as other light bulbs need replacing.
*Making some cleaning products as well as using eco-friendly cleaning products
*Researching a hybrid for our next vehicle

The biggest reason I have for making these changes? My children. My grandchildren. My great-grandchildren. I want to know I did my best to leave a good earth for future generations.
To quote an Ancient Indian Proverb:
"Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children."

Want to do something to help?
Go Zero -- allows you to convert your air travel to carbon neutral. You make a donation based on miles flown, they plant equivalent number of trees to zero you out.
GreenDimes -- removes you permanently from junk mail lists, and every month you're a member, plants a tree on your behalf.
Earth 911 -- gives you accurate, local information to protect your community’s environment.
American Forests -- They will plant a tree for every dollar you donate.
Engines Off -- A mom started this site to raise awareness of the poor effects of keeping your car idling while waiting.

It seems in so many instances, our children's safety is out of our hands. If you had the chance, wouldn't you want to change that?

The Rollercoaster of Life

Well, it's been over a month (a month!) since I've written on my blog. I am a bad bad blogger. Well, here's my reasoning... I've been caught in a bit of a loop-de-loop on the roller coaster of life. There are the ups and the downs, but man those loop-de-loops really send you for a... loop?

So, the biggest news right now is the upcoming addition to our family. And no, it's not a puppy. Come October we will be the proud owners of a brand, spanking new 2007 edition baby.
Yep.
I'm pregnant.
I have finally entered the 4th month and things seem to be going well. I'm a little confused as to how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disappointed by any means, I'm just a little.... apprehensive. I mean, it's been 4 years since I've done this. That doesn't seem like too long, but in my life it's been long enough to potty train 2 kids, make sure they are sleeping through the night, and speaking in complete sentences. Now we're starting all over! The kid's excitement is definitely helping me to cope with enjoy this a bit more. Emma has drawn several picture of me with a big belly, written a few lullabies, and is very concerned about making sure the baby's room gets done. I have to keep reminding her we have until October.
October.

I got news today from my father that my grandfather passed away last night. He had been sick for a while, but as my grandmother said today, "Even though you are expecting it to happen, it still shocks you." I feel the same way. I knew it was going to happen, but I am still shocked. I'm so glad I got to see him again- granted it was a couple of years ago, but I got to see him while he was healthy. The kids were able to meet him as well, so we have a few pictures and some video. That makes me happy because we have the memories to look back on- and the memories will forever be of my happy, healthy grandfather.

We're also coming up on the one year anniversary of my brother's death. He died last June, and I don't think anyone in my family has truly come to terms with it yet. Then again, I don't think anyone can come to terms with the death of someone so young with so much life still ahead of him. He was only 37.

So, it seems that I am personally experiencing the circle of life. One life leaves its earthy home, another enters. The loop-de-loops on the roller coaster of life certainly keep things interesting... but I think I may need some Dramamine soon.